Knowing The Difference Between Irrational And Logical Emotions
We all have been told at least once or maybe many times in relationships with partners, friends, family, boss and co-worker that you might be or are acting totally irrational about an emotional situation.
In the heat of the moment, you never doubt that your anger, hurt or sense of being dismissed is not completely spot on. It is only later, that you might re-think that over reacting remark and question if maybe you did act a little emotionally irrationally.
Now if you just came back from keying your ex-boyfriend’s car just because it felt good to do it, we are not discussing that kind of obvious over the top irrational behavior. Yes, you are acting irrational if you act in that manner but what about the borderline intense emotions we feel and react to.
How do we know when the feelings and emotions we are having perfectly fit the situation or we have just now stepped into the role of a drama queen?
First of all, denying yourself the right to feel is actually damaging your relationships and your overall sense of self. So, let’s start there, emotions are good and healthy to have and sometimes sticky, painful, embarrassing and regretful. It is the appropriate emotions to any situation presented to you that gets tricky and have others make us second guess how we reacted. Experiencing conflict can be really difficult to navigate for some of us.
What Irrational Emotions Feel Like
Your body starts to tighten, your heart immediately starts to beat faster and louder. You can sense an eruption slowly increasing through your chest, entering your throat. You may swallow which ignites a domino effect reminding yourself, “you’re being ridiculous, don’t cry.”
Your inner-talk becomes overwhelmingly loud and dominates your emotional reactions as it tries to make logic of your “irrational” natural responses. This results in a conflict within yourself that seems too difficult to even attempt to understand and you begin to tell yourself in a loud voice to “stop being so sensitive.”
Or the explosive volcanic reaction happens when a ringing in your ears start, you begin to flush in the neck, your throat constricts and the next thing you know, explosive words of confrontation, judgement or blame begin to pour out. Either reaction is authentic and the trick is to recognize when those emotions are appropriate for the occasion.
Where do Irrational Emotions Coming From?
To try and avoid these emotions and stay in lack of self-awareness will also restrict your ability to emotionally function. Why do we react irrationally sometimes? It is all in fear of exposing your emotions to others and getting rejected. You make choices of becoming the silent hurt martyr, blow up with aggression or get intoxicated for reasons completely out of left field.
You settle for unhealthy and neglectful relationships in desperate hopes of feeling understood or complete because you are missing the core foundation of what was coming deep within you. When you don’t understand why you behave the way you do, you just blame others for not understanding you.
Maybe you came from an abusive or neglectful childhood that enabled you to not feel safe being ourselves, so instead you learned to mask your emotions, fear them… and even deny them as a part of you because you interpret the message as, “crying and exposing emotions as “BAD.” You then start to subconsciously question, “are my emotions irrational or logical?” which starts creating the inner conflict.
Well… no wonder our partner doesn’t understand us. We don’t understand US. So, are our emotions irrational or logical? Emotions are labeled as “irrational” to our logical minds. Our emotions don’t always make practical sense or innately follow societal norms.
“Irrational” is the opposite of “logical” and when our brains cannot make sense of why we are feeling a certain way, we end up with uncomfortable confusion in an internal conflict that feels self-defeating. How can you get around this conflict and find a balance that is actually a win-win for both parts?
Start with acceptance. By logically accepting that you indeed, cannot “make sense” of your emotions, your brain will react in a way of feeling satisfied. Similarly, you can validate yourself emotionally by acknowledging what you feel and experience is real even though it may not make sense. By emotionally accepting that this is indeed natural, normal and most importantly, a part of you, your emotional processes will feel freed.
Susan Z’s Verdict
There come’s a point in every relationship that we must own up to the emotional impact it has on us personally. If we can accept that there are going to be sometimes when we cannot be logical in what we are feeling and be OK with it, you are taking a step in the right direction. But rule of thumb, if you take your emotions into a physical action, you must be willing to accept the consequences and own it.
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