Searching for Love
It is a rare individual who says they are perfectly happy being on their own without some kind of partnership and actually feel that way from a healthy perspective. Usually the history behind those statements are unhappy previous relationships and just not interested in even trying anymore, their work and career has consumed most of their life with no space for anything else or their fear of getting hurt by someone if they try for a relationship is so overpowering, they stay frozen in time with their aloneness.
We are designed by our humanity to be social creatures; to share and receive love and seek out someone to share intimate space with, whether to be nurtured, supported, procreate, fulfil a karmic contract or all of it.
Why do we seek out and desire partnership with such a passion that we will compromise, put up with abuse, disrespectful and demeaning behavior or settle just so that we have that someone in our life? Because it makes us feel good about ourselves. It makes a statement to the world, “see I am loveable, there is someone that thinks I am special!”
Many people can call themselves strong enough to live alone by labeling themselves independent or they do not want interference of others in their lives and they consider being single is the best. But at some point in life each and every one of us realize the need of a partner.
It should not be called being incomplete without a partner but yes you surely need a life partner, today or tomorrow but yes you will need one.
That partner is there in your life for moral, emotional, mental, physical and social support. You need a partner when you are stuck and you want someone to lean on, to rely upon, to get the best and non-selfish advice. The one who takes care of you and waiting for you at home. One who could understand you without even explaining, who can make you happy, whom you can trust whenever you are in a dilemma.
Of course, your partner should be one who understands you, only then will they fulfill all the above requirements. That is what a partnership should look like.
That purpose of partnership is to create something greater than we can create alone. Not because of any deficiency or incompleteness in us, but because each of us is unique, with our own talents and abilities. In partnership, we increase the efforts and talents available for creating something meaningful together.
All partnerships, whether romantic, creative, or professionally-based, can be powerful relationships for personal growth. In partnership we harness the power of union.
But it is important to choose our partnerships consciously. Sometimes if forced too quickly during times of need, we may find ourselves rushing into unions without clear intentions.
Partnerships created from those starting points might meet our immediate needs, but the repercussions of a union so quickly made without much thought can be difficult to recover from. Granted, there is something to learn from every relationship but looking to another to fix or complete us can turn a partnership into a dependent bond.
If we can stay clear about what we want and what we need in a partnership, while staying grounded and remembering that we are our own source of happiness and fulfillment, we can create partnerships that support and enhance the best of who we are.
Everyone in our lives is a mirror reflecting back the parts we love and dislike about ourselves. If we have the courage to recognize our reflections in each other, we can grow through our partnerships.
A partnership that offers both acceptance of who we are and an opportunity for personal transformation can be fertile ground for growing a healthy, lasting union. When we find this kind of partnership, we are more likely to want to keep it, invest in it, and nurture it.
Life is a collaborative effort. Much of what we do is enhanced through partnership. Together we are stronger because our personal power is multiplied by two. Through partnership we experience the joys of working, living, and loving together.
If you are not in the partnership you want to be in at the moment, here are some thoughts to focus on while that Mr. or Ms. Right shows up in your life.
Tips while looking for love
- Stop thinking you are the only one out there still looking and waiting for that special someone. It is by our human nature to pair up and timing is everything. If you are doing the social work and staying positive, believe it is inevitable to happen.
- You are not the only person that feels incomplete without a partner. With all the self help jargon out there, the first place it takes you is if you are unhappy being without a partner, you must fix something in you. If you are ready for a relationship and you don’t have one, be ok with missing it but continue to work on yourself.
- There is not a straight ride to a happy ending. You ARE going to date a log of frogs before you get to kiss the prince. In counseling, I call them “Training Wheel Relationships.” Meaning, those relationship come into your life to open your heart or teach you what you don’t want. There are no wasted relationships.
- You are never too old to find that perfect partnership. Granted, we live in a youth oriented culture but would you go out with the guy you went out with when you were 20, really? Let your desires and longings of what a relationship looks like age like fine wine, keeping immature expectations that a hot 25-year-old is what you want at 50.
- Don’t compare your single life to any of your married friends or family. Being single is not a disease and has its advantages just as having a partner. Those social media happy couple pictures are only 1/200 of what the rest of their life is. You have no idea what their life is really like, only your own.
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