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Relationship Issues: Housework

housework

Men Doing Housework

Has your man ever helped clean the house? Or are you doing all the housework? You will become resentful if it’s only you that: cooks, wash the dishes, dust, vacuums, wash and folds the laundry, clean the kitchen and bathroom, and pick up his dirty clothes from the floor. After all, you are his partner, not his maid!

These are two don’ts if you want him to chip in with the house chores. The first is asking him in an angry or whiny voice to do his fair share. If you do that his focus automatically goes to how you’re nagging him, rather than observing how he needs to assist with cleaning.

Secondly, never complain how he is doing it wrong, then proceed to show him how it’s done. This will only result in making him angry or feeling stupid. Then he may decide never to help out again. The only time to lovingly point out he is cleaning wrong is when it’s hazardous to both of your health or home.

Personal Experience

My personal experience is an example of where I resisted the two don’ts with a former, platonic, male roommate:

I was fed up being the only one who was taking care of our tiny house when I asked him to do his share. He asked, “What do you do around here?” My calm response was, “Clean the kitchen and bathroom, dust, vacuum, mop the floors, and take out the garbage can for the trash man.” Yes, his jaw dropped upon that realization.

Fast forward a week later, he was so proud of himself for mopping the kitchen floor. I observed there were dirty dishes in the sink and a greasy electric frying pan that had spread oil all over the stove and counter tops. Part of me wanted to point out what he hadn’t done.

Instead, I replied, “Thank you so much for mopping the floor, next time you may also consider cleaning the countertops, too.” He laughed when he noticed how dirty everything else was.

Remember – just because it’s not your method of cleaning doesn’t mean it’s the wrong method. When your partner does the cleaning allow him to do it his way. Be grateful for his helpful efforts. His dusting may not pass the white glove test the first time; however, with experience he will become a pro duster!

7 tips to inspire your man to clean

  1. Approach your partner when you are in a positive state of mind.
  2. Use “I” statements to express how you feel to avoid focusing on what he’s not doing.
  3. Express how exhausted you are by listing all of the work you do around the house.
  4. Brainstorm together on what chores each of you can do.
  5. Offer to split the cost of hiring a cleaning service.
  6. Explain to him how his contributions will give you extra energy for sex.
  7. Come up from behind him to hug him when he’s doing the dishes and touch him in the right spot!

Pamela’s Verdict

Every couple’s situation is different. Apartment dwellers don’t have yard work, while couples who own a house usually do. A stay at home mom has more time than a working mother. Compromise is key when it comes to housework and a joyful relationship.


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Pamela Cummins is a relationship expert who teaches you how to empower yourself to empower your relationships. She is the author of four books, including Psychic Wisdom on Love and Relationships. Learn more at her website www.pamelacummins.com

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