With many years of relationship and couple counseling to catalog, there have always been interesting remarks made about considered stupid actions of self sabotage in relationships, career, friendships and just life in general.
The statement of regret always went something like: “I don’t know why I did that or I wish I would have just given him/her a chance.” You know… “the would have, should have or could have” boundaries of failure to find happiness out of fear of failure or hurt.
It’s a little known and much denied fact that people treat you the way you secretly ask to be treated. Your unspoken request that determines how others behave toward you is extended to and received by everyone you meet.
There is an unseen dialogue that goes on behind the scenes whenever two new potential relationship people meet and is commonly understood as “sizing one another up.” We’re often led to act against ourselves by the undetected weaknesses that goes before us as a mask of self-confidence and strength to others.
But what lies underneath is a constant broken record playing of self-doubt and this is what creates the secret self-sabotage. It sinks us in our personal and business relationships repeatedly because we are too fearful of what the true authentic self has to offer in a relationship.
Identifying when you’re sabotaging a relationship
Following are ten examples of where you may be secretly sabotaging your new relationship while assuming you’re strengthening your position of a possible future with them. What these actions really do is give your power away and strips you of a strong presentation of self. This comes across as a message loud and clear on an energetic subconscious level.
To those who are weak in character themselves, it gives them the opportunity to bully, control, manipulate and purposely be hurtful to you. To those who have their shit together emotionally, it is a big red flag they have just met or now involved with someone who is needy or desperate to be anything or anybody you want just so they will like you.
Those grounded guys will not call back or will end up ghosting you.
10 ways to identify your sabotage
- Fawning over the person you are interested in to win their favor. That also means saying yes to sex too soon.
- Expressing contrived concern and offers to fix someone’s wellbeing or life situation.
- Making too much small talk to smooth out the edges.
- Hanging onto someone’s every word as though everything they say is “IT”.
- Looking for their approval in every area of your life.
- Asking if you have made a remark or done something to make them angry with you.
- Fishing for a compliment or a kind word.
- Trying to impress them with all that you have done in your life or have.
- Gossiping about others or making snarky remarks about those around you.
- Over explaining yourself about an opinion or belief you may have that differs from theirs.
So, what makes you put the false mask on when you first meet someone? Self-doubt. In Part 2 tomorrow I will talk about how to handle self-doubt and nine steps to stop sabotaging relationships.
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